Wednesday, March 5, 2008
I can say nothing, but only
GOOD JOB.
You succeded in doing what you wanted most t do.
Even now, I'm doubting what friendship really mean.
(If you think it's you, so be it.)

Day was allright, with my usual girls.
Lunch out session with best after school and yvonne too.
I realise I was so freaking stupid cause I do not know how t go t th place I orginally planned t meet mum.
So I have no choice, but t wait for mum at compass.
Boyfriend was on th phone with me th whole while. (:
I feel so bad for making her come down, but, she says it's allright. (:

Accompanied her t get her results.
It dint really turned out th way we wanted t.
But still, she is okay. (:

Shopped around AMK.
It turned out t be me & mummy's favourite hangout. <3s.

Boyfriend is getting his handphone soon, lik finally.
So, we wont be drifting so much apart, lik what best mentioned tht day. (:

For once, I truly realise how important my family, boyfriend and friends are t me.
I've been getting so emotional nowadays.

Dad injured his neck during th ChineseNewYear season this year.
Seeing him in pain, it makes me so heartbroken, yet I couldnt express what I really wanted t.
Not tht I don't dare or what, it just feels weird t suddenly tell him how much I needed this family when we don't talk about it in th past at all.
Seeing how his hair turned white, seeing how his face turns old each day, it make me afraid, afraid t lose him...

For tht particular incident tht actually happened few days back,
It made me realise how important she is, even though she is just a friend.
I almost broke down knowing tht such a thing happened t her, yet I could only keep quiet and do nothing about it.
She seems helpless today, yet she acted strong.
I cannot do anything, but t talk t her as much as I can.
I cannot do anything, but t lend her my listening ear for th free times I have.

Just take today for an example,
When I saw mum walking out of th door, her face was expression-less.
I knew something was wrong, I see th fear in her eyes.
I so much wanted t break down and cry in front of her, cause I wanted her t know I truly love her.
But I dint, cause I knew she doesnt wants tht.
Instead, she needs our family's support th most.
Younger sis sensed tht too, she too, did not probe any further.
Instead, kept her accompanied, followed her t buy her clothings.
And then, I saw my mum's smile again.
And just at tht moment, I felt tht I owe her so much, so much...
I can't imagine th day I lose her, really.

It made me think tht if it was me tht those things are happening.
I couldnt face it lik how they did.
I know I can't.

Sometimes, you see this certain fear in this person's eyes.
You yourself truly know they're helpless, but you cannot do anything t make them feel better.
Doesnt this feeling suck?
I've been feeling it this way ever since this afternoon.

I just feel tht I owe so many people, so many people.
It's lik I know they're suffering, yet I can only see them suffer.
It sucks, really.

Fine.
I don't really wish t continue blogging already.
Bye.

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